Saturday, November 30, 2013

can i hold on...I don't know

i suffer from depression...have for many years now.  sometimes i feel good and am able to carry on...other times the pain and sadness are just too much to bear.  medications and therapy help but aren't enough. the support i need is not there 100% so i just muddle onward and hope for the best.

i know i am not the easiest person to know, i don't trust very many people. i am not good at opening up, even "friends" that have known me for years truly don't know me. it hurts so much not to have someone to trust and turn to , especially when i feel so lost and hopeless.

my thoughts and feelings get all jumbled up.  the self doubt is overwhelming.  maybe i deserve to be alone.  it has to be my fault. what i did to deserve to be treated the way i am i am not sure of but i cannot believe that i have surrounded myself with people that could be so cruel and unfeeling.

it hurts to know that i am would give my all to help my family and friends but yet now when i need support, i get kick to the proverbial curb. i just don't know how much longer i can bear to feel this way.


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