there comes a point in ones life that they stop and look back over their life. that reflection brings back memories, both good and bad.as well as reveals patterns in ones life.
lately i have been doing a lot of reflecting and came to some painful realizations. i was always the quiet one, the one easy to push around and forget. yes there was a short period in time when i felt like i had friends, wasn't so alone, but that time span was only a short blip in my life.
a familiar pattern in my life is to be the "good" person, the one there to comfort and help. the "good" friend never asking for anything in return. the one to turn to when you need a hug, an ear for listening, a shoulder to cry on. count on me to be there when you need help not matter how overwhelming the task, i will be there.
yet when it is me that needs all of the above, i'm pretty much on my own. in part it is my own fault. i don't demand attention or respect. i don't push that there are times i need someone. i just plod along by myself and hope for the best.
i have gotten so use to just accepting that i am on my own, that i no longer know how to fight for what i need or deserve. it is just the status quo and i no longer wish it to continue . its time for me to start thinking about what will make me happy, put my needs for first.
sadly though, i don't know where to begin or how to go about it. my spirit has been broken and i am at a loss on how to fix it.
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